Beyond the lye: why I decided to go natural

The setting: circa 1989, a little girl sits nervously perched on two telephone books in a kitchen chair. A blend of anxiety and fear course through her veins; both her palms and forehead moist with sweat as she assesses an all too familiar scene. She sits about two feet from the kitchen stove, one eye eerily red stares back at her with the torture tool resting comfortably. A few inches to the side of the stove sit a can of blue magic, a few towels, Vaseline and a comb. Sensing her apprehension her mother asks gently “What’s wrong baby?” In return this terrified child whimpers “I’m scared Ma….” Lifting the comb from its heat source her mother replies soothingly “Nothing to fear sweetie, Mama is gonna be quick!” As the comb draws nearer, tears begin to coarse down the little girl’s face “…it’s hottttt Ma!” she whimpers. “Relax baby,” her mother coos “stop that crying, don’t you wanna be pretty? Just sit still so Mama can press this hair and you can be pretty!” The child’s whimpers subsided as she began the practice of holding her breath and transporting herself to faraway places in her mind. All the while, she feared the dreaded ear or nape burn should her mother hold the comb too close to those pesky edges.

Fast forward, circa 1991…Mama has grown weary of the hot comb remedy and opts to take baby girl to the local beauty parlor for a relaxer. As she squirms in the salon chair, tears streaming, both the stylist and Mama speak gently “I know it burns sweet pea. It’s almost over! We will rinse it out real soon, but it just has to set a little longer. We have to make sure it takes! You want your hair to be straight don’t you, don’t you want to be pretty baby?” There was no sweeter joy that feeling the lukewarm water wash over the fire that consumed her scalp. Sure there was a sting from a few raw patches but she believed so long as she avoided all appearances of water she would have straight hair, she would be pretty.

Not only is this account my own, it’s the history of my closest sister-friends, and Black women across the nation. The lie we were fed is the same: If you want to be pretty, sit down, let [insert stylist name here] slap on some lye because you must relax that nappy hair! I decided to go natural when I came to recognize this lie and others I once embraced as gospel. I had grown weary of being a slave to my relaxed hair! I was tired of planning my life around a hair style; Tired of avoiding the gym, of refusing to swim, of frying my hair with blow dryers and flat irons to remove even the slightest wave so that I could preserve that bone-straight, wind blowing salon look. One day it dawned on me: honey you were not born with straight hair! Going natural for me was an exercise in embracing personal authenticity. It is my journey to the purest place of self-love. As I stood in my bathroom mirror December of 2009, feverishly hacking away relaxed ends, I felt an indescribable wave of exhilaration. I was finally able to touch and tousle my own hair. The allure of seeing my own kinks and coils was intoxicating. I spend large amounts of time experimenting with styling tools and techniques. I had to educate myself on an entirely different method of hair care and I fell in love with water in a way I never had before. Water was no longer the arch nemeses of my relaxed mane, water became the savior of my TWA (teeny weeny afro) and my new favorite thing! I view my natural hair as an ode to my creator. It is my salute to my Heavenly Father, saying “Yes Lord, I see the genius in this crop of kinks and coils you blessed me with and I am beautiful just as I am.” My natural hair is me straight, no chaser. It is raw, undiluted, and completely organic. Today, I laugh at all those years I spent trying to achieve a European standard of beauty all the while ignoring the beauty I received as my birthright! I have grown to see the beauty in the texture I was blessed with. The “relaxed” me seems lifetimes away, I am happier with my appearance than I have ever been, no longer am I trying to look they way society deems ideal. I have ascended beyond the lye and finally embraced the real me!